I often associate events with people. I always preserve memories of events, places and among those, the people I was with. For me, being with someone-family, friends and loved ones gives me the feeling that I am not alone... and that doing things or going places are more enjoyable.
I always take pictures, sing songs and always reminisce these happy moments. But problems arise when my connections to these people get severed.
It may be easy for me to forgive... but never easy to forget. I always feel bitter reminiscing even the happiest of the moments that I used to spend with them. Sad songs double or even triple their intensity when I listen to them. Maybe it is not good to associate people with memories. Once you become indifferent to that person, all the memories associated to him or her get spoiled as well. That what makes me feel depressed-more depressed than ending the association itself.
From now on I will try to be alone. Give myself time to appreciate myself and to create new memories to replace the old ones.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Friday, May 02, 2008
Letting go
I found a nice piece of writing which is very relevant to what I currently feel.
Let Go and Let God
To let go doesn't mean to stop caring,
it just means you can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut yourself off from those you love,
it's the realization that you don't control them.
To let go is to admit being powerless,
which means the outcome is not in your hands.
To let go is not to try and change or blame another,
You can only change yourself.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow the other to make their own outcomes.
To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.
To let go is not to nag or argue,
but to search out your own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to criticize and boss anyone around,
but to try to become what you dream you can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.
To let go… is to let God.
To let go doesn't mean to stop caring,
it just means you can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut yourself off from those you love,
it's the realization that you don't control them.
To let go is to admit being powerless,
which means the outcome is not in your hands.
To let go is not to try and change or blame another,
You can only change yourself.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow the other to make their own outcomes.
To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.
To let go is not to nag or argue,
but to search out your own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to criticize and boss anyone around,
but to try to become what you dream you can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.
To let go… is to let God.
Saturday, March 08, 2008
Car Wash
Kanina, first time ko magpa-carwash. Dalawang linggo na ang sasakyan ko at ngayon ko lang naipalinis. Ang plano ko sana ako mismo ang maglilinis. Bumili na nga ako kanina ng car shampoo at ng brush. Pero nang lumabas ako para linisin ang sasakyan, ikinabit ko ang hose ng tubig sa tubo pero ayaw lumabas ng tubig. Siguro may kailangan pang pihitin na gripo para lumabas ang tubig pero hindi ko naman alam kung nasaan. Bale dinala ko na lang ang sasakyan sa gasoline station.
Nakapila kami doon at napansin ko na may machine para hulugan ng pera. Nabasa ko rin sa mga nakapaskil na iba iba pala ang options sa pagpapalinis ng sasakyan. May car shampoo, may car wax, at kung anu-ano pa. Puwede pa nga ipalinis ang ilalim. Ang kinuha ko ay yung kasunod ng car wax. Nakalimutan ko kung ano ang tawag pero mas upgraded yun kaysa sa car wax. 700 yen. Ipapalinis ko rin sana ang ilalim kaso wala na akong additional 300 yen na coins. May 5,000 yen bill ako pero 1,000 yen bill lang ang tinatanggap ng machine. Pinanood ko kung ano ang ginagawa ng kotse sa unahan ko at gagayahin ko na lang.
Nung sasakyan ko na ang lilinisin, may voice instructions naman pala kaya madali lang. Ipapasok mo lang ang sasakyan sa machine na pang-car wash at papatayin ang engine. Wala pang 5 minutes, malinis at makintab na ulit ang Nissan Moco ko.
Pagkatapos, pinalagyan ko na rin ng gasolina ang sasakyan. 3 bars pa naman pero mas gusto ko na laging may gas para hindi ako maubusan habang nasa daan. First time ko rin magpa-gas ngayon sa self service. Noong isang linggo kasi may staff na naglagay ng gas. Madali lang naman din ang instructions. Una, hahawak ka dun sa isang parang rubber sheet para mawala ang static electricity sa kamay mo. Tapos, ilalagay mo ang pera sa machine. Papipiliin ka kung Hi-Oct (octane?) o regular ang ipalalagay mo at kung full tank ba o ikaw ang magsasabi ng amount. Pinili ko na regular at full tank. Tapos, bubuksan mo na ang tank at ilalagay ang nozzle. Pipisain mo ang nozzle at lalagyan na ng gasoline. Pag full tank na, parang tatadyak yung nozzle na ang ibig sabihn ay ihinto mo na ang pagpisa. Ayan, full tank na ulit. Sana konti lang mabawas this week.
Nakapila kami doon at napansin ko na may machine para hulugan ng pera. Nabasa ko rin sa mga nakapaskil na iba iba pala ang options sa pagpapalinis ng sasakyan. May car shampoo, may car wax, at kung anu-ano pa. Puwede pa nga ipalinis ang ilalim. Ang kinuha ko ay yung kasunod ng car wax. Nakalimutan ko kung ano ang tawag pero mas upgraded yun kaysa sa car wax. 700 yen. Ipapalinis ko rin sana ang ilalim kaso wala na akong additional 300 yen na coins. May 5,000 yen bill ako pero 1,000 yen bill lang ang tinatanggap ng machine. Pinanood ko kung ano ang ginagawa ng kotse sa unahan ko at gagayahin ko na lang.
Nung sasakyan ko na ang lilinisin, may voice instructions naman pala kaya madali lang. Ipapasok mo lang ang sasakyan sa machine na pang-car wash at papatayin ang engine. Wala pang 5 minutes, malinis at makintab na ulit ang Nissan Moco ko.
Pagkatapos, pinalagyan ko na rin ng gasolina ang sasakyan. 3 bars pa naman pero mas gusto ko na laging may gas para hindi ako maubusan habang nasa daan. First time ko rin magpa-gas ngayon sa self service. Noong isang linggo kasi may staff na naglagay ng gas. Madali lang naman din ang instructions. Una, hahawak ka dun sa isang parang rubber sheet para mawala ang static electricity sa kamay mo. Tapos, ilalagay mo ang pera sa machine. Papipiliin ka kung Hi-Oct (octane?) o regular ang ipalalagay mo at kung full tank ba o ikaw ang magsasabi ng amount. Pinili ko na regular at full tank. Tapos, bubuksan mo na ang tank at ilalagay ang nozzle. Pipisain mo ang nozzle at lalagyan na ng gasoline. Pag full tank na, parang tatadyak yung nozzle na ang ibig sabihn ay ihinto mo na ang pagpisa. Ayan, full tank na ulit. Sana konti lang mabawas this week.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
最高のプレゼント
プレゼントをあげるとき多くの人が困っている。プレゼントを上げる相手はどんなものが好きかわからない場合が普通だ。特に、異性の相手にプレゼントを決めるのは大変だと思う。
とても親しいな相手なら、どんなプレゼントでもいいじゃないか？きっと喜んでもらってくれると思う。私はプレゼントについて聞かれたら、全く違うのことを答える。
僕が考えているのは人に教えることだ。服とか、食べ物とか、他のものも時間が経つと、なくなってしまうけれど、相手に教えたことはたぶん人生に忘れられないだろう？相手がその教えたことをするとき、教えてくれた人の事をきっと思い出すと信じている。
例えば、僕の小2のとき、アンディさんが祈り方を教えてくれた。大学生のとき、親友がひらがなを教えてくれた。山形にいるとき、友達のなっちゃんがピアノを教えてくれた。最近、友達のキヨ君がケーキの作り方を教えてくれた。
人生の中にいろいろな経験があると思うけど、一番印象が残るのは誰かと一緒にやってみたことだと強く信じている。
とても親しいな相手なら、どんなプレゼントでもいいじゃないか？きっと喜んでもらってくれると思う。私はプレゼントについて聞かれたら、全く違うのことを答える。
僕が考えているのは人に教えることだ。服とか、食べ物とか、他のものも時間が経つと、なくなってしまうけれど、相手に教えたことはたぶん人生に忘れられないだろう？相手がその教えたことをするとき、教えてくれた人の事をきっと思い出すと信じている。
例えば、僕の小2のとき、アンディさんが祈り方を教えてくれた。大学生のとき、親友がひらがなを教えてくれた。山形にいるとき、友達のなっちゃんがピアノを教えてくれた。最近、友達のキヨ君がケーキの作り方を教えてくれた。
人生の中にいろいろな経験があると思うけど、一番印象が残るのは誰かと一緒にやってみたことだと強く信じている。
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Free Counselling
May kaibigan ako na lumapit sa akin at humingi ng payo tungkol sa pinoproblema niya ngayon. At malamang sa hindi, alam nating lahat kung ano ang problema niya-LOVE (pag-ibig). Itago na lang natin siya sa pangalang Emerald (promise, hindi ko itatago sa pangalang Terrence ang BF niya). Meron na ring ilang taon na magkarelasyon sila ng BF niya. Through thick and thin 'ika ga. OK naman ang pagsasamahan nila pero nito raw mga nakaraang buwan at naging puro di pagkakaunawaan ang nangyayari sa kanila. Madalas na nauuwi sa sigawan at wala nang magawa si Emerald kundi ang tumahimik at huwag na lang tapatan ang inis ng BF niya.
Sabi ko, lahat naman siguro ng magkarelasyon nagkakaroon ng di pagkakaunawaan. Pasasaan ba't magkakabati na rin kayo. Pero iba raw ngayon kasi napapadalas na. Lagi na lang katuwiran ng BF niya ay pagod ito sa trabaho kaya madaling mainis.
These frequent quarrels began to take its (their?) toll. Nagiging burden na raw sa kanilang pareho. Di ko lang sure kung burden ang pag-aaway o ang relationship mismo. Nahihiya akong magtanong dahil ayokong marinig ang ikinatatakot kong sagot.
Well, ang counselling na ito ay nakapagpaalala sa akin sa mga nangyari mismo sa akin noon. Meron din taong malapit sa akin na sobra kaming close-so close to the point na noong di na rin kami nagkakasundo, naging burden na hanggang sa di na kinaya ng friendship, ayun nauwi sa hostility. Matagal na panahon ko rin dinala sa dibdib ko iyon. Lagi kong itinatanong sa sarili ko kung anong kasalanan ang nagawa ko para mabalewala ang good times na pinagsamahan namin. Ilang panahon ding pinag-isipan ko ang sagot-o baka ilang panahon ding iniwasan kong tanggapin ang sagot na alam ko na pala sa umpisa pa lang. Medyo matalinhaga pero ganun talaga. Hanggang sa paglipas na nga ng panahon, natanggap ko na na wala nang pag-asa for a reconciliation. Di biro-biro ang pinagdaanan kong ganun.
Naging OK din naman na para sa akin ang lahat. Mukhang OK na rin naman sa estranged friend ko. Mukhang OK na to the point na kahit huwag nang magkaayos eh tutuloy pa rin ang buhay.
Yan din sana ang gusto kong ipayo sa friend kong namomroblema ngayon.-Na kung burden na para sa kanilang dalawa ay dapat i-give up na, i-let go na. Sabi nga nila, kung mahal mo ang isang tao, set him or set her free. Kung bumalik eh di masaya. Kung hindi eh, at least hindi na hahaba ang kalbaryo ninyong dalawa. Pero hindi ko rin naman masabi na ganun ang gawin niya kasi ako mismo napagdaanan ang pain ng ganun. Kaibigan ko pa nga lang , ganun na kahirap. Paano pa kaya kung karelasyon mo na talaga?
Sasamahan ko na rin ng payong magdasal at hilingin sa Itaas na gabayan Niya ang friend ko. Kaya naman niya yun, kasi ako nga nakaya ko eh.
Sabi ko, lahat naman siguro ng magkarelasyon nagkakaroon ng di pagkakaunawaan. Pasasaan ba't magkakabati na rin kayo. Pero iba raw ngayon kasi napapadalas na. Lagi na lang katuwiran ng BF niya ay pagod ito sa trabaho kaya madaling mainis.
These frequent quarrels began to take its (their?) toll. Nagiging burden na raw sa kanilang pareho. Di ko lang sure kung burden ang pag-aaway o ang relationship mismo. Nahihiya akong magtanong dahil ayokong marinig ang ikinatatakot kong sagot.
Well, ang counselling na ito ay nakapagpaalala sa akin sa mga nangyari mismo sa akin noon. Meron din taong malapit sa akin na sobra kaming close-so close to the point na noong di na rin kami nagkakasundo, naging burden na hanggang sa di na kinaya ng friendship, ayun nauwi sa hostility. Matagal na panahon ko rin dinala sa dibdib ko iyon. Lagi kong itinatanong sa sarili ko kung anong kasalanan ang nagawa ko para mabalewala ang good times na pinagsamahan namin. Ilang panahon ding pinag-isipan ko ang sagot-o baka ilang panahon ding iniwasan kong tanggapin ang sagot na alam ko na pala sa umpisa pa lang. Medyo matalinhaga pero ganun talaga. Hanggang sa paglipas na nga ng panahon, natanggap ko na na wala nang pag-asa for a reconciliation. Di biro-biro ang pinagdaanan kong ganun.
Naging OK din naman na para sa akin ang lahat. Mukhang OK na rin naman sa estranged friend ko. Mukhang OK na to the point na kahit huwag nang magkaayos eh tutuloy pa rin ang buhay.
Yan din sana ang gusto kong ipayo sa friend kong namomroblema ngayon.-Na kung burden na para sa kanilang dalawa ay dapat i-give up na, i-let go na. Sabi nga nila, kung mahal mo ang isang tao, set him or set her free. Kung bumalik eh di masaya. Kung hindi eh, at least hindi na hahaba ang kalbaryo ninyong dalawa. Pero hindi ko rin naman masabi na ganun ang gawin niya kasi ako mismo napagdaanan ang pain ng ganun. Kaibigan ko pa nga lang , ganun na kahirap. Paano pa kaya kung karelasyon mo na talaga?
Sasamahan ko na rin ng payong magdasal at hilingin sa Itaas na gabayan Niya ang friend ko. Kaya naman niya yun, kasi ako nga nakaya ko eh.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
I'm back!
After three months of silence, I am back to the net. I moved from Yamagata Prefecture to Mie Prefecture last April and started my first official work in Japan. I am a company employee in a car wiring manufacturing firm. Working in Japan gives me both the challenges of fitting in with the Japanese workplace and at the same time the excitement of working abroad.
In the company, we are not allowed to use the internet for personal perposes. So I waited until I got internet connection in my new place. I am now living in a company dormitory. Actually, it looks so similar to my old apartment in Yamagata except that it is bigger and the toilet is now separated from the bathroom. I am thinking of touring you around in my later posts.
Working for three months made me think of a couple of things. Working in Japan turned my former student life upside down. What I mean is that before, I used to have lots of time lazying around but have little to no money at all. Now, it is the opposite. I have some money but I have no time to travel or have fun somewhere. Good thing that I have internet now so I can simply sit down and relax at home while watching local (Filipino) TV programs through streaming video.
Another thing in my mind is that I work double everyday. I need to accomplish all my daily tasks and at the same time, I need to cope up with the language. I've been in Japan for three years already but I still find Japanese difficult for me to understand. I can speak, read and write in Japanese for a certain degree but I am frustrated that my Japanese skills are not yet enough.
Living and working in Japan is so comfortable. Commuting is simple as the railway system is quite efficient and always on time. The company provides almost everything that I need-a place to stay, utility fees, transportation expenses, food and family allowances that not even the "prestigeous" companies in Manila is willing to provide.
Living in country like Japan makes you adjust not only to the locals but to the other foreigners as well. In my three-month stay in Mie Prefecture, I felt that some people from C are quite not pleasant. I know a batchmate who always pester me for favors to the point that he's now annoying me every time he rings my phone. In times that I can't comply to his [obviously selfish and "magulang na"] requests, he makes some "parinig" and petty threats. Oh, what a bum!
Anyway, I'll just continue filling my list on my next post. I am now a bit sleepy and I need to go to bed soon. Japan is a place where tardiness is being frowned upon so a bit of advice to my fellow "kababayans" out there who are aspiring to work and live in Japan, get rid of the so-called "Filipino time". Till then!
In the company, we are not allowed to use the internet for personal perposes. So I waited until I got internet connection in my new place. I am now living in a company dormitory. Actually, it looks so similar to my old apartment in Yamagata except that it is bigger and the toilet is now separated from the bathroom. I am thinking of touring you around in my later posts.
Working for three months made me think of a couple of things. Working in Japan turned my former student life upside down. What I mean is that before, I used to have lots of time lazying around but have little to no money at all. Now, it is the opposite. I have some money but I have no time to travel or have fun somewhere. Good thing that I have internet now so I can simply sit down and relax at home while watching local (Filipino) TV programs through streaming video.
Another thing in my mind is that I work double everyday. I need to accomplish all my daily tasks and at the same time, I need to cope up with the language. I've been in Japan for three years already but I still find Japanese difficult for me to understand. I can speak, read and write in Japanese for a certain degree but I am frustrated that my Japanese skills are not yet enough.
Living and working in Japan is so comfortable. Commuting is simple as the railway system is quite efficient and always on time. The company provides almost everything that I need-a place to stay, utility fees, transportation expenses, food and family allowances that not even the "prestigeous" companies in Manila is willing to provide.
Living in country like Japan makes you adjust not only to the locals but to the other foreigners as well. In my three-month stay in Mie Prefecture, I felt that some people from C are quite not pleasant. I know a batchmate who always pester me for favors to the point that he's now annoying me every time he rings my phone. In times that I can't comply to his [obviously selfish and "magulang na"] requests, he makes some "parinig" and petty threats. Oh, what a bum!
Anyway, I'll just continue filling my list on my next post. I am now a bit sleepy and I need to go to bed soon. Japan is a place where tardiness is being frowned upon so a bit of advice to my fellow "kababayans" out there who are aspiring to work and live in Japan, get rid of the so-called "Filipino time". Till then!
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Sana Maulit Muli
(I Wish It Could Happen Again, 繰り返したらいいな)
I won't write about ABS-CBN's soap but let me borrow its title for today's entry. Looking back to the days that passed, I can always say to myself, "I wish it could happen again." Not because I want to relive the moments, but to correct something in the past so that the present and the future will take a different course. Yeah, I refer to the things in the past that I consider my mistakes. Who would want to change happy moments in their lives? Do I sound pathetic? Yeah, may be in a way.
I've been slacking for three years ever since I came to Japan. I came here to study but circumstances led me not to exert my fullest efforts to finish my program. I've been a carefree student and I feel so much ashamed for that. Knowing that I will be graduating next week assured me that somehow I have completed all my requirements but deep inside, I feel discontentment as I wasn't able to put up a good fight. I just let myself go with the flow and just finish things just for the sake of merely completing them as they were required. This is one of the things that I always wish na sana maulit muli.
Another thing was my interpersonal relationships. Being away from my family led me to seek friends in Japan. I felt blessed having many friends, most of them were my Filipino acquiantances in the church. However, as friendships get deeper, my involvement with them had gone deeper as well... and involvement meant not only getting caught into good stuffs but with the not-so-good experiences as well. I won't elaborate more but one sad incident concerning me, and a Filipina friend spoiled everything. We had an argument in which news about what happened reached other people as well. I saw several reactions and I tell you, not all of those reactions were sympathy on my side. I came to the point of severing my ties with other friends as well. I started to see disadvantages of having them as friends. I started complaining that they do ask more and greater favors from me as compared to what favors I received from them. It was not my nature to count favors against favors but I really turned out to be that superficial. Good thing was, it didn't last long. I came to my senses and felt that not all of my friends are like that other friend who treated me bad. Suddenly I came to realize that more people are concerned about me. I felt so touched and I appreciated all the concerns so much.
Another thing was with my lovelife. I was loved and loved in Japan and even in the Philippines before coming to Japan. I really want to go back to the past and do something. Supress love towards the wrong person and wait to love until the right time. It may be so vague but somehow, these are also things that I regret doing in the past.
Anyway, tomorrow is always a new day and a fresh new start. Maybe instead of sulking and wishfully thinking that the past may be changed, I should focus more on the present to make way for a better future. 決まった！
I won't write about ABS-CBN's soap but let me borrow its title for today's entry. Looking back to the days that passed, I can always say to myself, "I wish it could happen again." Not because I want to relive the moments, but to correct something in the past so that the present and the future will take a different course. Yeah, I refer to the things in the past that I consider my mistakes. Who would want to change happy moments in their lives? Do I sound pathetic? Yeah, may be in a way.
I've been slacking for three years ever since I came to Japan. I came here to study but circumstances led me not to exert my fullest efforts to finish my program. I've been a carefree student and I feel so much ashamed for that. Knowing that I will be graduating next week assured me that somehow I have completed all my requirements but deep inside, I feel discontentment as I wasn't able to put up a good fight. I just let myself go with the flow and just finish things just for the sake of merely completing them as they were required. This is one of the things that I always wish na sana maulit muli.
Another thing was my interpersonal relationships. Being away from my family led me to seek friends in Japan. I felt blessed having many friends, most of them were my Filipino acquiantances in the church. However, as friendships get deeper, my involvement with them had gone deeper as well... and involvement meant not only getting caught into good stuffs but with the not-so-good experiences as well. I won't elaborate more but one sad incident concerning me, and a Filipina friend spoiled everything. We had an argument in which news about what happened reached other people as well. I saw several reactions and I tell you, not all of those reactions were sympathy on my side. I came to the point of severing my ties with other friends as well. I started to see disadvantages of having them as friends. I started complaining that they do ask more and greater favors from me as compared to what favors I received from them. It was not my nature to count favors against favors but I really turned out to be that superficial. Good thing was, it didn't last long. I came to my senses and felt that not all of my friends are like that other friend who treated me bad. Suddenly I came to realize that more people are concerned about me. I felt so touched and I appreciated all the concerns so much.
Another thing was with my lovelife. I was loved and loved in Japan and even in the Philippines before coming to Japan. I really want to go back to the past and do something. Supress love towards the wrong person and wait to love until the right time. It may be so vague but somehow, these are also things that I regret doing in the past.
Anyway, tomorrow is always a new day and a fresh new start. Maybe instead of sulking and wishfully thinking that the past may be changed, I should focus more on the present to make way for a better future. 決まった！
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